Why are you still hanging around? The party has been over for a while, the lights are on, my Elton John records safely back in their sleeves, and here you still are – sprawled on my couch like a greasy houseguest who doesn't know when to leave. The chips are gone, okay? There are NO chips in the house. And please stop following me around. I can tell you're there, my jiggly friend, clinging to my waist. What's up with that? It's just you and me and frankly, I think we have grown too close. Moreover, to be honest, I don't like you much anymore. So, please sit down and listen.
We've had some good times, haven't we? I remember the pizzas we used to eat and the dipping sauce for the crusts. Can you say cal-o-ries? Yes, some pretty good times at the old feed trough. But those days are long gone, happy trails, and you need to hear something. (Here we go) I've found new friends to hang out with who are way cooler and fitter than you are and I'm moving on. (That wasn't so bad) It isn't you. Well, actually it is. My life, and pants, just doesn't have room for you anymore. I would like to shake hands, part as friends, and not call each other.
I know you don't mean any harm, and you seem like nice love handles, but please stop following me.
You're creeping me out.
Sincerely,
Brandt
6 comments:
Brandt, you crack me up.
What a cool read!
They'll be your "EX" soon enough, just keep up with the XFit and Zone, and bye bye love handles!
Can you please write a book? :)
Ah! That was so funny it brought tears to my eyes. Dipping sauce you've had some good times together!!
I will write a book if you promise to read it. :)
hahahahahaha awesome!
Hell ya, I'll read it! That's why I asked!! :)
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