Amazing Grace

Helen and Grace. Pretty names, and I dearly wish I could report to you that I experienced that lovely aura when I undertook the WODs with these namesakes. But Helen is tempestuous and demands every ounce of courage you have, and Grace follows up with a flurry of punches to your ego and stamina. I am writing this battered and bruised from my battle with these two ladies.

I met my fellow warriors on Sunday for Helen. Knowing little about her, I assumed the worst. She did not disappoint me. That cheeky wench consists of a 400 metre run, followed by 21 heart-pounding kettlebell swings, and topped off with 12 pull-ups like a cherry on a heart attack. Three rounds of this for time. (I think Sterling should measure that 400 metre run again. Raise your hand if you agree.) I would say the run wasn’t bad but it was enough to suck the gas out of your tank. The kettlebells were the real demon in this routine. Those damn suckers are HEAVY and I found myself thinking "What the hell is this movement for?"

"The ship is sinking! Throw those cannonballs overboard. No, not those ones! The other ones … with the handles!"

Each time I finished a swing, the kettlebell dropped back to earth as I struggled for control. On my last rep, I dropped it and it came crashing to the pavement. I think it left a dent. You will be relieved to hear the kettlebell will be okay. I followed with jumping pullups. I must report that I am still working on the pullup. I find it difficult to chin my bodyweight, although it’s getting easier with the loss of twenty pounds of fat while following the Zone diet. I know that it won’t be long now.

My time was 11:09.

The next day we tackled Grace. This one sounds easy. 30 repetitions of clean and jerk for time. That’s it. Fini.

Oh, how you would be mistaken. 30 repetitions feels like 300 when you’re into the thick of it. I watched each person go with a building sense of dread. I hate waiting for my turn. The butterflies are awful.

Sterling lent me his lifting shoes. If you’ve never tried them, I wholeheartedly recommend them. Standing in those shoes, I felt so sure. That’s the only way I can describe it – a feeling of stability and surety. I loved them.

And so it began. I chose 115 lbs – midway between the Rx men’s and women’s weight. Clean the weight up, a slight bend of knees and then jerk it overhead. Drop to the platform and square up for the next one. I had prepared for this lift by reading in Starting Strength to dip-drive the legs and think about bouncing the weight off the meat of the shoulders and then driving it upwards. But all that went out the window as I got deep into the set. The distant shore of rep 1 faded behind me and I was adrift on the ocean, my eyes keenly searching for Land Ho! on the horizon – the fabled land of 30 reps.

Sterling was right at my ear, counting down the reps, shouting encouragement and tightening the weights when they became loose.

"Ten more pulls!"
"Good expression – I love it!"

He was like a coach at my side, traveling with me through the reps, keeping me confident that I was going to make it. And I did. With one triumphant heave, the last rep of Grace was over my head and I was standing there, victorious. Time: 4:13

And so, what makes a great WOD? Is it the twisted mind of a demented genius crafting ever more difficult routines? Not really. Is it the inner journey we take as we try these feats of strength? Yeah, for sure. And to that I would add the shared experience of doing this with your friends. I feel great when I’m finishing and the group is cheering for me. And what feels even better, is cheering for them when they are deep in the hole, busting their guts to a good finish. Thank you Sterling and Michelle. And you too, DeBoer family. You are awesome. Jeff, I owe you buddy. Jill, we did it!

Fuck you Grace. Tell your sister Helen for me.